Expectations from everything have gone high, be it any relation or life. And in that, marriage is no exception. So one has to be alert before saying "YES" for marriage or marriage may end suddenly without any chance of compromise. Though issues I am going to put forward may sound small and petty, they actually are of great importance.
A new trend has started growing up (at least in Gujarat) of saying Yes to anyone that comes first offering for marriage (possibly because of a shortage of girls). And that is the starting point for troublesome life that follows. In eagerness to marry and have physical relations, the probable problems those may make life hard to continue and live are simply ignored. Let’s have a closer look.
1. Offsprings
Believe it or not, becoming parents is the greatest pleasure in life for both; but its planning before marriage is of vital importance. Planning like when, the number of children and care-taking.
a) When?
After a certain age, say 35 and beyond, to become parents is medically difficult. So, earlier is better. If not immediately after the marriage, at least after one or two years is an ideal time for planning a child. This parenthood issue with time-frame has to be materialized beforehand; or one partner may want it early and the other-one, late. The issue is difficult to resolve after marriage.
b) 0-1-2 Child Theory
Zero child preposition is not necessarily bad – an idea of adopting a child at a late age can be thought of. But planning a single child for economic or whatever false excuses a couple dictate is certainly worth reconsidering. The upbringing of a single child with saying yes-to-all her/his right or wrong demands may end up with a psychological setback to the child while facing the realities of the world. Minimum two children would make more sense in that case. Whatever the number it may be, that has to be talked of.
c) Caretaker
If both are earning by profession, job or business, who will look after the child round the clock at least for two years, if not more? Shall one go for help of parents on either side? Are they ready, reliable according to you or are they physically fit? Can the staff be relied upon? Can a couple afford? Is the leaving job of either partner viable option? If so, who will be taking this big stand?
2. Income Sharing
When both are earning, shall the income be clubbed? How shall one plan expenses, savings, tours and other luxuries? If staying with parents, shall they ask for total income, part of it or nothing?
3. Work At Home And Outside
This is a vital issue and yet not addressed by many. Days are gone when husband relaxes and orders wife to do all household work. Cleaning the home and utensils, washing clothes and cooking for all are not easy things. In India, housemaid and cook are easily available and they can be employed; elsewhere it has to be decided before marriage.
4. Parents
Old age homes are flourishing; but should they be the residence of your parents? Or parents (of either side) can stay with you? We can not “plan” their good-bye before marriage, so they are going to be there. Parents of both sides are equally important and each one needs great care and respect. The words like DUST-BINS or GARBAGE are better reserved for oneself in old-age, instead of using for others. Are they financially strong enough or need help? What role shall we have about them has to be talked in details and understood well before marriage, or the problems will start sooner than you can imagine.
While there are all the reasons for newly engaged to enjoy the ‘golden’ days of courtship, they must spare 2-3 or possibly more meetings just to understand such relevant issues. And while they may be spending all their energy on planning the honeymoon, ‘Pre-marital detailed medical check-up’ would be the other essential thing to get done with before getting married.
There would be a plenty of reasons to get married, but even one reason is enough to alter the decision. These 'checks', if discussed constructively, will simply add to the strength of the holy bond.
After all, you can make anyone your Valentine, but not the life partner. What is your take?
I wish you had a Great Valentine’s Day!
1. Offsprings
Believe it or not, becoming parents is the greatest pleasure in life for both; but its planning before marriage is of vital importance. Planning like when, the number of children and care-taking.
a) When?
After a certain age, say 35 and beyond, to become parents is medically difficult. So, earlier is better. If not immediately after the marriage, at least after one or two years is an ideal time for planning a child. This parenthood issue with time-frame has to be materialized beforehand; or one partner may want it early and the other-one, late. The issue is difficult to resolve after marriage.
b) 0-1-2 Child Theory
Zero child preposition is not necessarily bad – an idea of adopting a child at a late age can be thought of. But planning a single child for economic or whatever false excuses a couple dictate is certainly worth reconsidering. The upbringing of a single child with saying yes-to-all her/his right or wrong demands may end up with a psychological setback to the child while facing the realities of the world. Minimum two children would make more sense in that case. Whatever the number it may be, that has to be talked of.
c) Caretaker
If both are earning by profession, job or business, who will look after the child round the clock at least for two years, if not more? Shall one go for help of parents on either side? Are they ready, reliable according to you or are they physically fit? Can the staff be relied upon? Can a couple afford? Is the leaving job of either partner viable option? If so, who will be taking this big stand?
2. Income Sharing
When both are earning, shall the income be clubbed? How shall one plan expenses, savings, tours and other luxuries? If staying with parents, shall they ask for total income, part of it or nothing?
3. Work At Home And Outside
This is a vital issue and yet not addressed by many. Days are gone when husband relaxes and orders wife to do all household work. Cleaning the home and utensils, washing clothes and cooking for all are not easy things. In India, housemaid and cook are easily available and they can be employed; elsewhere it has to be decided before marriage.
4. Parents
Old age homes are flourishing; but should they be the residence of your parents? Or parents (of either side) can stay with you? We can not “plan” their good-bye before marriage, so they are going to be there. Parents of both sides are equally important and each one needs great care and respect. The words like DUST-BINS or GARBAGE are better reserved for oneself in old-age, instead of using for others. Are they financially strong enough or need help? What role shall we have about them has to be talked in details and understood well before marriage, or the problems will start sooner than you can imagine.
While there are all the reasons for newly engaged to enjoy the ‘golden’ days of courtship, they must spare 2-3 or possibly more meetings just to understand such relevant issues. And while they may be spending all their energy on planning the honeymoon, ‘Pre-marital detailed medical check-up’ would be the other essential thing to get done with before getting married.
There would be a plenty of reasons to get married, but even one reason is enough to alter the decision. These 'checks', if discussed constructively, will simply add to the strength of the holy bond.
After all, you can make anyone your Valentine, but not the life partner. What is your take?
I wish you had a Great Valentine’s Day!
all points are just excellent uncle...but i dont think so that the bride or groom are ready for premedical check up in this days...but it is meaningful and your Before Saying "Yes" for Marriage-1/2 are simply superb...
ReplyDeleteI thank you Uday for reading and responding to my article.
DeleteDivorce for male partner are difficult and costly... least to caution you.
So medical check-up is a must, not marriage. Think it over!
Hello Uncle,
ReplyDeleteAll points are indeed thought provoking!
But I feel at least in India the idea of medical checkup though most imp.. is not yet accepted and is not a social norm yet..
I guess some kind of norm should be laid down for this.
Regards
Nidhi
@NidhiPandey,
ReplyDeleteI agree medical check-up is not accepted, even by medical people who ignore there health as well!
Yes, something must be done.
Thanks.
Hello uncle,
ReplyDeleteIf these points are discussed transparently before marriage, then the chances of a successful and happy married life is definitely accelerated.
It helps flourishing a better life for both the partners.
Regards,
Shivani Desai
Hello uncle,
ReplyDeleteThese points should be discussed transparently before marriage. If the things are Crystal clear then both the partners will be benefited and will flourish with happy and successful married life.
Regards,
Shivani Desai
Shivani,
DeleteI am happy you read the article and responded.
Though the presentation discussion may appear academic or let me say theoretical, it is of great real ( and so practical) importance.
Let marriage planning couple use it as a base-line for their further talks.
With best wishes,
Bharat Desai
Thank you for the appreciation.
Delete