One year back, I was writing about myself in an article Death at 60. I wrote there I was ready to die at any time, but given a choice, I would like to wait until my father was alive. My purpose for this demand of concession was my desire to support my father morally and physically in his old age. Well, he did not agree to this and went away forever on his own. So, I can loudly pronounce now “I am ready to die!”
However, I have yet to learn how to react to someone when I disagree with them and/or my ideas differ in total from the concerned person. At present, in such situations, I keep myself away and withdraw. It can be labeled as escapism. But coming to a consensus or agreement is not always easy. Due to the generation gap or the conservative approach of parents, the difference of opinion is bound to be there. Here, both parties should take care of maintaining the dignity of the other. The ideal option is to ignore the nature of the parents and forgive them immediately.
I was guided, protected, and taken care of by my father for the last 61 years till he departed last week. I was having a disciplined life, just to feel assured that I would not do anything that makes my father unhappy.
Till the last month, I was under the impression that I was the best friend with my father and vice versa. He was open to me for anything and everything. I was only partly right though because lately, I knew that he was firm about whatever he wanted to do and there was no scope for any dialogue or discussion by me (or anybody for that matter) for changing his views.
Having gone through the emotional catharsis in the preface, I would like to tell you some details about my father and me.
My father was born on 30-Aug-1924; he left his studies at matriculation to participate in the freedom struggle in 1942. Started earning in 1946 by joining the veterinary line just after getting married. Later, he switched over to Agriculture Department from where he got retirement as the Head of three Tehsils in Benor Scheme in 1983. He had the duty of giving subsidies to the farmers. He was very strict in financial discipline. Not only away from corruption, but he also had a high level of code of ethics not allowing even any tea or breakfast from any of the beneficiaries.
We were 10 (yes, TEN! 6 children, parents, an uncle, and a sister of my father) in a small 2-room house to live on a small salary. Most of the salary was spent on food and our education; so the other expenses were not to be thought of. Simple living and hard work were compulsory. The most luxurious vehicle we had was a single bicycle purchased in 1957 at the cost of Rs 200. My mother and we children used to do all types of household work without the help of any maid (domestic help).
I have inherited most of the good and bad virtues of my father. I wish they become more of an asset and less of a liability to all concerned.
My father lost his parents before one year of age. Later grandmother and poverty followed accompanied for a long. Then without being corrupt and remaining strictly honest was a great achievement, and everybody knowing him would praise him. Bringing up six children and giving them a higher education for a meager salary was a task only he could do, of course with my mother's unconditional support.
The conclusion is not as simple, but I’d try. Parents are the most respectable people you possess. They are not next to God, they are superior to God. They have allowed us to be born, taken the greatest care possible, and looked after us with the best of their efforts (keeping all their own pleasures away). All this can usually not be realized when they are around us.
Have I succeeded in giving them due respect? I don’t know. Any amount of respect and honor to parents is less. When both of them have departed for the heavenly abode, all I am left with is prayers. Well, I am reminded of my mother-in-law… Yes, I am yet blessed with my mother-in-law.
However, I have yet to learn how to react to someone when I disagree with them and/or my ideas differ in total from the concerned person. At present, in such situations, I keep myself away and withdraw. It can be labeled as escapism. But coming to a consensus or agreement is not always easy. Due to the generation gap or the conservative approach of parents, the difference of opinion is bound to be there. Here, both parties should take care of maintaining the dignity of the other. The ideal option is to ignore the nature of the parents and forgive them immediately.
I was guided, protected, and taken care of by my father for the last 61 years till he departed last week. I was having a disciplined life, just to feel assured that I would not do anything that makes my father unhappy.
Till the last month, I was under the impression that I was the best friend with my father and vice versa. He was open to me for anything and everything. I was only partly right though because lately, I knew that he was firm about whatever he wanted to do and there was no scope for any dialogue or discussion by me (or anybody for that matter) for changing his views.
When you are honest, disciplined and strict to the principals, you live a life of high moral ethics. The psyche following this makes you feel proud and often a bit more egoistic. I think that is a dangerous state of situation as far as inter-personnel and inter-family relations are concerned.If you have more than enough money in old age, you are financially independent. You do not need economic support from anyone. There are chances that this may make you a little arrogant and indifferent to your offspring and family members.
Having gone through the emotional catharsis in the preface, I would like to tell you some details about my father and me.
My father was born on 30-Aug-1924; he left his studies at matriculation to participate in the freedom struggle in 1942. Started earning in 1946 by joining the veterinary line just after getting married. Later, he switched over to Agriculture Department from where he got retirement as the Head of three Tehsils in Benor Scheme in 1983. He had the duty of giving subsidies to the farmers. He was very strict in financial discipline. Not only away from corruption, but he also had a high level of code of ethics not allowing even any tea or breakfast from any of the beneficiaries.
We were 10 (yes, TEN! 6 children, parents, an uncle, and a sister of my father) in a small 2-room house to live on a small salary. Most of the salary was spent on food and our education; so the other expenses were not to be thought of. Simple living and hard work were compulsory. The most luxurious vehicle we had was a single bicycle purchased in 1957 at the cost of Rs 200. My mother and we children used to do all types of household work without the help of any maid (domestic help).
I have inherited most of the good and bad virtues of my father. I wish they become more of an asset and less of a liability to all concerned.
My father lost his parents before one year of age. Later grandmother and poverty followed accompanied for a long. Then without being corrupt and remaining strictly honest was a great achievement, and everybody knowing him would praise him. Bringing up six children and giving them a higher education for a meager salary was a task only he could do, of course with my mother's unconditional support.
The conclusion is not as simple, but I’d try. Parents are the most respectable people you possess. They are not next to God, they are superior to God. They have allowed us to be born, taken the greatest care possible, and looked after us with the best of their efforts (keeping all their own pleasures away). All this can usually not be realized when they are around us.
Have I succeeded in giving them due respect? I don’t know. Any amount of respect and honor to parents is less. When both of them have departed for the heavenly abode, all I am left with is prayers. Well, I am reminded of my mother-in-law… Yes, I am yet blessed with my mother-in-law.
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