Dr. Bharat Desai's Blog

આપણે સૌ સામાજિક વ્યવહારો સાચવાની ખાસ કાળજી રાખતા હોઈએ છીએ. માંદા પડેલા આપણાં અંગત સ્નેહીજનની હોસ્પિટલમાં દાખલ થયેલ હોય ત્યારે રૂબરૂ મળી મુલાકાત કરીને “વહેલા સારા થઈ જાવ” એવું આશ્વાસન આપવાનો રિવાજ છે. આમ કરવાથી દર્દી ને ખરેખર દિલાસો મળે છે અને માંદગીની કારણે થયેલ દુ:ખ ઓછું થતું હોય છે. લાગણીથી જોડાયેલ અંગત સ્વજનને મળવા જવાનો રિવાજ ઘણીવાર ફક્ત ઔપચારિક્તામાં પરિણામતો હોય છે. આમ ફક્ત ફરજ નિભાવવાની વિધિ કરવા પૂરતું જઈને વેઠ ઉતારવાનો કોઈ ખાસ અર્થ નથી. ચાલો, કંઈક અર્થસભરતા લાવવાની હકારાત્મક કોશિષ કરીએ. આ અર્થ શબ્દ દ્વારા મને પૈસા- નાણાંની યાદ આવી. વર્તમાન સંજોગોમાં દરેક વ્યવહાર પૈસાની લેવડદેવડનો રહ્યો છે. જન્મ સમયે, જન્મદિવસે, યજ્ઞોપવિત, લગ્ન કે મરણ દરેક વિધિ પૈસાની આપ લે દ્વારા થતી હોય છે. પોતાની આર્થિક સ્થિતિ સંબંધની નિકટતા અને ભૂતકાળના વ્યવહારોની ગણતરી કરીને તે પ્રમાણે પૈસાનું કવર બનાવી આપણે આદાન-પ્રદાન કરતા હોઈએ છીએ તેમાં માંદગી સમયે આર્થિક ભેટ શરૂ કરવા જેવું છે.  હોસ્પિટલમાં દાખલ થયેલ સ્નેહીને પ્રાથમિક તપાસ, લેબોરેટરી રેડિયોલોજી તથા નિષ્ણાત ડોક્ટરની નિદાન માટેની તપાસ દરમિયાન ખૂબ મો...

An individual professionally trained to treat an ill and suffering person (patient) is a doctor. And their natural relationship is a bilateral one. When a doctor is sincere, focused, patient, persistent with ethical conduct, a continuous learner, and doing keen observation – it is certain that doctor–patient relationship is the most enduring and satisfying relationship where the doctor learns to hear and see with heart and mind. This healthy and strong relationship will survive forever. (A) Doctors and patients are the two sides of the same coin fighting their common enemy: disease. In fact, medicine is not a mere profession, it is a calling, a mission, or perhaps even devotion. (C) During sickness, the patient and his entire family look up to only one person after God and that is the doctor. In the old days, when doctors relied more on their clinical skills than on investigation, patients trusted them with full faith. In those old days doctor was a healthcare giver, philosopher, guide...

Present day thinking leads to breaking a relation on many occasions. It is undesirable but still natural. Don't get panicked about it; relax and think over the following:

Your Relations/Friends and You ! Every relation has three possible situations: Relation with both Love and Respect Relation, but neither Love nor Respect  Relation with either of the two: Love Or Respect Now whatever one of the above three you find about any given relationship/friendship, the ideal approach is to respond all with love and respect in total. Just try...

Friends and friendships in a freeze : If you did not have any meeting, letter-exchange, SMS or phone conversation in the last 365 days (one full year) with your friend, it means you are not considering any need to do so. I consider such relations 'frozen' and reopening them may not be that simple for such a taken-for-granted relation.

Everyone knows and understands the difference between the close-ones and the distant. But nobody would love to hear oneself being introduced as a distant relative and at the said introduction of the 'distant' relative, one feels insulted. So better avoid the word 'distant' while introducing anyone.

"Because" in relations... Because you did not attend my wedding, I will not attend yours. Because you did not attend my parents' funeral, I will not attend your parents' funeral. Because you did not give loan when I needed, I won't either. Because you did not invite me in your celebration, I too will not. Because,... Because,..... This accounting and reciprocating equally and accordingly is neither friendship nor family relationship.

Whom to praise ? My medical college hostel-partner for six years (1969-1975) and co-student of M.B.B.S. study, Dr. Chhotubhai S Patel passed away at the age of 62. In spite of vehicle, telephone, mobile and other modes of connectivity, I visited his home only twice in the last 35 years and the third visit was after his demise. This is the real life story of two friends staying barely 30 km away. My friend was straight forward, kind and had all the characters of a good friend. My son Rahul and my daughter Vaishali can tell me just the opposite story of their connectivity with their friends and frequency of meeting their friends. Then who is to be praised? The older or the modern generation..??

Every relationship needs: Compromise Nurturing and Trust, besides Love

Break verb. Interrupt To stop doing something for a while Destroy End of relation Chain noun. Connection by links or rings Series of connected things e.g. hotels, shops Continuous connection due to attachments Relation noun. Way in which one person is connected/associated with another Contacts or link between people, groups or countries Attachment between two because of birth, marriage or contact

Balancing two sides of relations: A son/daughter: Parents and offsprings A married woman: Parents and parents-in-laws A married son: Wife and parents When you are any of the above, you are an in-between person. You have to be tricky, cautious and careful person in handling either side maintaining your own views or you will be in trouble. You need not be judging any, but you have to be neutral and caring both.

Why and how should we visit our close relatives/friends? Close relatives are the best God-gift,. I would first like to talk about who they are, to start this article. They are: Parents Son/daughter Brother/sister Above relatives-in-law and Close friends

What is the ideal amount to be given with 'blessings' at the time of someone's wedding? 101.. 151.. 251... 501 or more? No amount is OK... Ideal is zero ! Your relationship is priceless... no need of being pseudo-formal.

I said: If you want to tell something to your close ones – son/ daughter/ parents/ parents-in-law/ brother-sister-in-law/ sons-daughters-in-law – regarding some misunderstanding, problem, disagreement, expectation, etc., tell the concerned one directly instead of telling others. Because - Telling others will complicate the issue rather than solving it. The other person will add her/his own material to the story and then tell. Your story may be changed in total. The other person may enjoy your situation in place of sympathizing you! If you tell your emotions directly to the concerned one, it may solve the issue. Telling the close person directly will make a great difference.

Parents and Children on Facebook : If all the concerned are transparent and so open to have any dialogue, if each can talk freely without fear or hesitation, 'friendship on Facebook' is not a problem. Well, all have to be frank and open is a pre-condition or better be away from here, as otherwise also they are!

Continued from  I, at 60 Before starting this story, I must admit, I have been accompanied by a brother before birth till today - a pair of twins. We are hardly comparable in any way or let me say, we are totally different in nature, look and attitude - we are always available to each other. I had parents to guide me till 60, of whom I lost my mother a month back. My father is always available with his viewpoint to guide me in need on any issue with clarity of thought and without forcing to follow the same. I understand it as a great luxury many do not have.

Lifeline : In Kaun Banega Crorepati (KBC), a TV game show, they say one shouldn't delay decision of using a lifeline when in confusion or state of uncertainty. Or else, you may lose lots of money, or possible all your money. Similarly in real life, in the state of confusion, frustration or uncertainty, don't hesitate in using available lifeline (here, a lifeline may mean parents, close relatives, friends) immediately or you will end up with troubles having no way out. - Dr. Shashikant Shah

A few days ago, my mother (84) passed away of old age. I had an experience of being in a state of sorrow due to her demise. The article is an outcome of experiences following the incidence. I did realize the need and importance of true consolation to the grieved person. So I thought it is prudent to write from the heart words giving guidance. Condolence : It is expressing sympathy to a misfortune or bereavement (one deprived of relative because of death). Consolation : To give comfort or sympathy to an unhappy person. On the death of a close relative, a sudden gap is created due to the absence of that relative. Even the mentally strong person understanding every aspect of the event becomes shocked for a while. Here is the need of true consolation known as 'condolence.'

When someone close is away beyond easily approachable distance, person concerned is anxious and worried for no reason about well-being of person. The only way out is Acceptance. Image Source: beeimgs.com

The day you start counting what you have done for your friend/relative, the relationship is either over or about to die. The base of any relation is moral/psychological support, physical work and financial/materialistic help. It has to be endless and beyond counts. Once you start falling short of this, you go finding all such things and expecting reward or reciprocation. Well, that is the end of relation.