Skip to main content

Breaking The Chain Of Relations

Break verb.
  1. Interrupt
  2. To stop doing something for a while
  3. Destroy
  4. End of relation
Chain noun.
  1. Connection by links or rings
  2. Series of connected things e.g. hotels, shops
  3. Continuous connection due to attachments
Relation noun.
  1. Way in which one person is connected/associated with another
  2. Contacts or link between people, groups or countries
  3. Attachment between two because of birth, marriage or contact
The chain of relations I am talking about here starts from great-grandfather, going to grandfather, then father and ends at son to continue further downwards in the same way.

Great Grandfather/mother
Grandfather/mother
Father/mother
Son/daughter

Because of instincts and inheritance, parents live their total life for their children. They do not enjoy their wealth and time for their own joy or pleasure. They go on saving money and all the things they can to offer to their offsprings. While caring for children, they conveniently forget their duty towards parents and grandparents. Only juniors in the ladder get due importance and seniors remain part of the history to be forgotten.

This is the key question of my article: Is it prudent occupying oneself totally around offsprings? What should be the limit of one’s offering to the children?

Let us go into the details. In parenthood, role of father is limited to have physical relations with going-to-be-mother. The sperm fertilizes the ovum. From pregnancy to lactation, practically everything is done by the mother – the female partner. Embryo in uterus to new-born, only mother plays active part. Father gives his inheritance via chromosomes, but he is not fully involved in upbringing of the child. This may be the reason why fathers (male partner) can easily detach from child and family. Well, in past only father was the bread earning individual, so he was a must to that extent. These days, both the marriage partners earn and so the dominance of the male is limited.

When does the role of parents as guide-guardian-decision maker end?  Well, the answer is not that
difficult. Initial years of neonate and childhood demands total care for feeding, learning and being self-sufficient. I think parents are must as decider-decision makers only up to X standard of study. Then they are only needed as friends and for moral support.

The present generation with high intelligence can decide their own path regarding further study, profession/job and marriage. So it is better that parents leave their play at the earliest in these issues.

So, what is the “breaking the chain of relations”?

I know three simplest ways to break the chain, but I do not support any of them.

  1. Remain unmarried,
  2. Get married, but not to plan family (parenthood) and
  3. To have marriage, be parents and then leave family to become Sadhu or commit suicide.

Physiology of human life does not agree to any of above three.  I am here to give the fourth option.

Paradox of our nature tells, we want to remain dominating, guiding and expecting guardian and at the same time want to leave relation for detachment.

We want to show sentiments-emotions and be witness from distance. All you need is to break this
paradox in relations.

Be prudent, rational, have all the attachments with them and love them maintaining their dignity. But keep away from being dominant here and there and do not have highly demanding expectations. Avoid asking to follow yourself made rules. And be on guard lest you may be fond egoistic and arrogant.

Yes, with all this in mind it is not difficult to break the chain of relations. All one needs is just be detached and be witness to their actions with love and affection.

Comments

  1. Dear Pappa,

    I specifically like this article more than other in this blog, simply because it discusses a concept that society is well aware of – but doesn’t necessarily address it.

    Leaving my comments were long pending on this article – and since it’s a big article with many points covered, I’ll try commenting in parts:

    I agree, couples effectively turn into ‘parents’ for good, right from the birth of their first child. Unfortunately, this happens at the cost of their duty towards their parents. Equally importantly, they often fail to enough time and energy (and any other resource) to their own selves. I may not be rightly placed to make this remark, but ‘nobody’ apart from one’s parents deserves so much importance. In fact, such ‘dedication’ from parents is directly conveyed as ‘teaching’ to the children – there’s no wonder the children, when grown and become parents, repeat the same cycle.

    I wonder what can be the practical (and still socially acceptable) solution to this.

    Regards,
    Rahul

    ReplyDelete
  2. I specifically like the section where you’ve discussed about when the role of parents as guardian/decision maker should end. Interestingly, of the four solution options you suggested, a lot of people seem to be taking the first or second options. And somewhere, I’m also in agreement with the first option, because being married but not having children or ending the life aren’t practically suitable solutions.

    I agree, detachment from situations makes the whole ‘control-game’ far manageable. Probably I can understand and accept it quite easily because I’ve been brought up in that kind of environment. Since I’ve seen you (my parents) living such an ideology, I can live and convey such a line of thoughts. However, I’m afraid the bigger part of the total population has challenge recognizing the whole matter as a ‘problem’, let alone addressing it. A lot of parents of teenage or adult children have this proud assumption that they have all the rights to take decision for their children till either of them is alive. Many take liberty to take decision even for their married children (-equally applicable to brides’ parents.)

    I really loved this article and really feel this message needs to be conveyed to the society at large. I’m looking forward to your next article.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beloved Ravi,

      I liked the detailed comment.
      How much domination or dictatorship of parents is tolerable?
      What is the threshold of offsprings towards parents demands ?
      Such issues even if thought of..need not be followed... will have great impact on parents-son relationship.

      Pappa

      Delete
  3. Civil Lab Equipment Manufacturer is the leading Manufacturer, Supplier and Exporter of Civil Engineering Lab Equipments or instruments. Established in 2005.

    Mob: +91-9891445495, +91-8448366515, +918587026175
    Phone : +91-11-23657121
    Website : http://setestindia.com, http://civillabequipmentmanufacturer.com

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pyramid Of Virgin Dreams

This is a novel depicting the story of an IAS officer’s life. Author Vipul Mitra is himself an IAS officer serving in Gujarat and living with his family in Ahmedabad. This book could take birth after ten years of thinking, writing and rewriting!  The title pyramid was derived from an Egyptian pyramid with a gigantic structure, a symbol of power stretching higher and higher into the sky. The author compares the pyramid with bureaucrats. He says the only difference was that one housed deceased Egyptian pharaohs while other housed living, conniving, tattling officers. There is a long (300 pages!) story of dreams those are virgin like unconsummated physical relation! You will read this novel to know what happens to Kartikeya Kukereja who meets his first failed love Revati Kapoor after both married and long gap of time passes. Revati desires to re-unite but does Kartikeya have the courage to hold on Revati? Honest? Mediocre? Coward? Does he ultimately succeed in fitting her in his life?  Th

Anavils - An Endangered Community

After Parsis, Anavils ( Anavil Brahmins , અનાવિલ બ્રાહ્મણ ) are the fastest decreasing community. The total population of Anavils around the world does not exceed two lakhs figure and that is also fast reducing day by day. Days are not far, beyond a century or so, when they will have to be seen/found in records, photos and videos. Why? Because,    - they get married too late,    - many are dying unmarried,    - they wait for the career to be settled before the first (and maybe the only) childbirth.

Superiority Complex Personification

Yes, I will explain this phrase as it is, but I want to tell you a story of a particular caste as a preface and that will follow the subject matter. 
 In a particular intelligent community in South Gujarat, the superiority complex is an inherited and cultivated character amongst each and every member. They consider themselves, and for that matter oneself individually, superior to all others and all around. This means they are 'the best', have all the worldly knowledge, understands all the subjects and are skilled at the highest in all the matters. They believe whatever they say is the final truth, ultimate truth and truth can not be anything otherwise! 
 This sense of great ego makes each one believe that all others around are inferior to them, and don't have the same level of intelligence to understand anything. To the extent, one considers others idiots and having low intelligence compared to them. 
 Now, you can understand this superiority complex of everyone in this com

મારી આત્મકથા - ડો. ભાવના દેસાઈ

આત્મકથા લખવી મતલબ આપણને આપણા જન્મથી અત્યાર સુધીની દરેક હકીકતો તથા પ્રસંગો, અનુભવોની ખબર હોવી જોઈએ. મારી (સંક્ષિપ્ત) આત્મકથા જરાક જુદી લખાશે એવું મને જણાય છે. શરૂઆત મારા જન્મથી કરીશ. મારો જન્મ ૨૧/૧૧/૧૯૫૦ દિને વલસાડ કસ્તુરબા હોસ્પિટલમાં થયો. મારી માતા ૨૪ વર્ષના હતા. મારા મોટાભાઈ મારાથી ૬ વર્ષ મોટા અને મારી મોટીબેન ત્યારે ૩ વર્ષના. મને ધરાઈને રમાડે અને જોઈને ખુશ થવાના સમયે જ મારા પિતાનું અવસાન થયું. હાર્ટ અટૈક થી. મારી માતા સ્ટ્રોંગ - હિંમતવાળા - સમજી ગયા હતા કે કઈક ગડબડ છે. કારણ હોસ્પીટલમાં લિમિટેડ સગાઓની આવનજાવન અને દીકરીના પપ્પા કેમ આવ્યા નથી એનો અણસાર આવી ગયો હતો. સમાચાર સાંભળી દુ:ખી થયા. રડાય એટલું રડી લીધું. પછી મારા પિતાના વાક્યને સાર્થક કરવા કમર કસી. મારુ મોસાળ વલસાડમાં નાની મહેતવાડ ફળિયામાં. મારા આજાબાપા ડોક્ટર. મારા દાદાનું ઘર સુરત - કાળામાતાની શેરી. મારા દાદી, મારા નાનાકાકા તથા કાકી બધા જ ઘણા સારા અને પ્રેમાળ, છતાં અમે ત્રણેય બાળકો મોસાળમાં મોટા થયા. કારણ જણાવું - મારા મામા મારી માતાથી ૧૦ વર્ષ નાના. તેઓ મેટ્રીક પાસ થયા બાદ ડોક્ટરી કરવા ઇચ્છતા હતા. એમણે જ

મહાભારત

આપણે ૨૫૦૦ વર્ષ પહેલાં, સંસ્કૃતમાં વ્યાસમુની દ્વારા લખાયેલ મહાભારત વિષે એટલું જાણીએ કે તે ૧૮ લાખ શબ્દોથી બે લાખ લીટીમાં એક લાખ શ્લોકોવાળું હિંદુધર્મની માહિતી અને જ્ઞાન આપતું લાંબામાં લાંબી કવિતાનું પુસ્તક છે.  આ ધર્મપુસ્તકમાં હકીકતમાં અઢાર પર્વ-એટલે કે અઢાર અધ્યાયમાં કુરુક્ષેત્રના મેદાનમાં સો કૌરવો અને પાંચ પાંડવો (બન્ને પક્ષે પિત્રાઈભાઈઓ) વચ્ચે લડાયેલ યુદ્ધની વિગતવાર કથા છે. આ વાર્તા વ્યાસમુનીના વિદ્યાર્થી એવા વૈશામપાયને પ્રથમવાર વાંચીને તક્ષશિલા ખાતે અર્જુનના પૌત્ર એવા રાજા જન્મેજય ને સંભળાવી છે. વૈશમપાયને જન્મેજયને કહી સાંભળવી તે ધર્મકથા તે મહાભારત. મને ખબર છે તમારે ફક્ત કથાવસ્તુ ટૂંકાણમાં જ જાણવી છે- અઢાર લાખ શબ્દો દ્વારા કહેવાયેલ વાત હું અઢાર પાનામાં કથાનું હાર્દ સમજાય પણ લંબાણ ન થાય એ રીતે) કહેવાનો નમ્ર પ્રયાસ કરું છું.   કૌટુંબિક પરિચય મહાભારતની શરૂઆત કુરુવંશનો ઈતિહાસ અને કુટુંબવૃક્ષ (Family Tree) ના પરિચય થી આદિપર્વ માં થાય છે. ત્યાર પછી સભાપર્વ માં કૌરવો-પાંડવો વચ્ચે રમાયેલ ધૃત જૂગટું અને પાંડવોની હાર ની કથા છે. તેર વર્ષમાંથી પહેલાં બાર વર્ષના વનવાસનું વર્ણન વનપર્વ માં અને છેલ્

Karmic Theory (Law Of Karma)

“Facing Challenges and Creating Destiny” by BK Shivani, Gurgaon National Conference on Mind-Body-Medicine, Mount Abu. August 6-10, 2010 What is Karma? Karma is work or energy going out in the form of 1. Thought, 2. Word and/or 3. Action. Resultant return of energy is in the same amount known as Bhagya (Destiny). The role of God is to ask you to do Karma and to help you to do RIGHT karma. Then whatever good/bad karma you do, the result is accordingly and entirely your responsibility. Because the result is Destiny (Bhagya). So don’t blame anyone else or God for anything bad. Do not try to blame someone responsible for your own deed and its result.

Jainism: Simplified

I am introducing here world spread religion having 5.5 million followers, mainly in India and abroad like USA, UK, Canada, East Africa and many other countries in one of the six greatest religions. Word "Jain" is derived from "Jina" meaning conqueror. "Arihant" is one who has destroyed his inner enemies like anger, greed, passion and ego.

Gujarat – Introduction And History

A student of History has to understand Geography, Economics and Anthropology simultaneously. A person curious to know about world history has to proceed step by step, learning his own state first, then country and then only one can understand world history. Well, appreciating above facts, I am starting my study with History Of My State Of Gujarat . I have put it in order of time and later described important states and rulers.

History Of Muslims In India: Hindu-Muslim Relations

With this article, I would like to tell you about three things: (1) History of Islam and Muslims in India; then I will try to elaborate, specifically telling (2) What went wrong; and finally I will conclude telling (3) The future of relations amongst Muslims and Hindus. Although it is routine to give references, in the end, I shall start with the list of three reference books in the beginning. All these details are not mine, I’ve only summarized them from these books.