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Breaking The Chain Of Relations

Break verb.
  1. Interrupt
  2. To stop doing something for a while
  3. Destroy
  4. End of relation
Chain noun.
  1. Connection by links or rings
  2. Series of connected things e.g. hotels, shops
  3. Continuous connection due to attachments
Relation noun.
  1. Way in which one person is connected/associated with another
  2. Contacts or link between people, groups or countries
  3. Attachment between two because of birth, marriage or contact
The chain of relations I am talking about here starts from great-grandfather, going to grandfather, then father and ends at son to continue further downwards in the same way.

Great Grandfather/mother
Grandfather/mother
Father/mother
Son/daughter

Because of instincts and inheritance, parents live their total life for their children. They do not enjoy their wealth and time for their own joy or pleasure. They go on saving money and all the things they can to offer to their offsprings. While caring for children, they conveniently forget their duty towards parents and grandparents. Only juniors in the ladder get due importance and seniors remain part of the history to be forgotten.

This is the key question of my article: Is it prudent occupying oneself totally around offsprings? What should be the limit of one’s offering to the children?

Let us go into the details. In parenthood, role of father is limited to have physical relations with going-to-be-mother. The sperm fertilizes the ovum. From pregnancy to lactation, practically everything is done by the mother – the female partner. Embryo in uterus to new-born, only mother plays active part. Father gives his inheritance via chromosomes, but he is not fully involved in upbringing of the child. This may be the reason why fathers (male partner) can easily detach from child and family. Well, in past only father was the bread earning individual, so he was a must to that extent. These days, both the marriage partners earn and so the dominance of the male is limited.

When does the role of parents as guide-guardian-decision maker end?  Well, the answer is not that
difficult. Initial years of neonate and childhood demands total care for feeding, learning and being self-sufficient. I think parents are must as decider-decision makers only up to X standard of study. Then they are only needed as friends and for moral support.

The present generation with high intelligence can decide their own path regarding further study, profession/job and marriage. So it is better that parents leave their play at the earliest in these issues.

So, what is the “breaking the chain of relations”?

I know three simplest ways to break the chain, but I do not support any of them.

  1. Remain unmarried,
  2. Get married, but not to plan family (parenthood) and
  3. To have marriage, be parents and then leave family to become Sadhu or commit suicide.

Physiology of human life does not agree to any of above three.  I am here to give the fourth option.

Paradox of our nature tells, we want to remain dominating, guiding and expecting guardian and at the same time want to leave relation for detachment.

We want to show sentiments-emotions and be witness from distance. All you need is to break this
paradox in relations.

Be prudent, rational, have all the attachments with them and love them maintaining their dignity. But keep away from being dominant here and there and do not have highly demanding expectations. Avoid asking to follow yourself made rules. And be on guard lest you may be fond egoistic and arrogant.

Yes, with all this in mind it is not difficult to break the chain of relations. All one needs is just be detached and be witness to their actions with love and affection.

Comments

  1. Dear Pappa,

    I specifically like this article more than other in this blog, simply because it discusses a concept that society is well aware of – but doesn’t necessarily address it.

    Leaving my comments were long pending on this article – and since it’s a big article with many points covered, I’ll try commenting in parts:

    I agree, couples effectively turn into ‘parents’ for good, right from the birth of their first child. Unfortunately, this happens at the cost of their duty towards their parents. Equally importantly, they often fail to enough time and energy (and any other resource) to their own selves. I may not be rightly placed to make this remark, but ‘nobody’ apart from one’s parents deserves so much importance. In fact, such ‘dedication’ from parents is directly conveyed as ‘teaching’ to the children – there’s no wonder the children, when grown and become parents, repeat the same cycle.

    I wonder what can be the practical (and still socially acceptable) solution to this.

    Regards,
    Rahul

    ReplyDelete
  2. I specifically like the section where you’ve discussed about when the role of parents as guardian/decision maker should end. Interestingly, of the four solution options you suggested, a lot of people seem to be taking the first or second options. And somewhere, I’m also in agreement with the first option, because being married but not having children or ending the life aren’t practically suitable solutions.

    I agree, detachment from situations makes the whole ‘control-game’ far manageable. Probably I can understand and accept it quite easily because I’ve been brought up in that kind of environment. Since I’ve seen you (my parents) living such an ideology, I can live and convey such a line of thoughts. However, I’m afraid the bigger part of the total population has challenge recognizing the whole matter as a ‘problem’, let alone addressing it. A lot of parents of teenage or adult children have this proud assumption that they have all the rights to take decision for their children till either of them is alive. Many take liberty to take decision even for their married children (-equally applicable to brides’ parents.)

    I really loved this article and really feel this message needs to be conveyed to the society at large. I’m looking forward to your next article.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beloved Ravi,

      I liked the detailed comment.
      How much domination or dictatorship of parents is tolerable?
      What is the threshold of offsprings towards parents demands ?
      Such issues even if thought of..need not be followed... will have great impact on parents-son relationship.

      Pappa

      Delete

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