Are Old-age-homes Meant For My Parents?

Or if I may ask, are my parents worth sending and keeping in an old-age-home?

The need for time demands more and more old-age-homes to be built. Because:

• Expense: No problem.
• Monthly payment amount: No problem.
• Servants, cook and other staff needed: No problem.
• Whatever has to be done: No problem!

Time demands to prepare more and more old-age-homes, that is:

• Luxurious,
• Comfortable,
• Pleasing and
• Entertaining for a long stay

So, coming to the original question, why should one go to stay at such a place, leaving own family and one's own home? Well, this is a serious question that needs a detailed discussion on the subject.

I think only two reasons those can be accepted are:

1. No child couple: They do not have any offsprings at all and their other relatives are not willing to accommodate them. They may find no other option but to go there.
2. Couples with children abroad: The other acceptable reason is children settled abroad and parents don't like to stay with them (because of either difference in the culture of the new country and/or climate).

Are parents a liability – nuisance and/or disturbing elements in the home? I do not think the correct answer can be "YES". If that is the story, why are they not present in the family? I shall tell few things about three concerned relations.

1. Daughter-in-law,
2. Son and
3. Parents themselves.

1. Daughter-in-law:

Whether we agree or not, the first known culprit for a break in the family is daughter-in-law. She wants privacy, single couple family and so-called quality time with her husband. She would not do any compromise for above said demands and would object to any expectation of her husband regarding caring and respecting his parents. She feels parents as "GARBAGE" (the word used abroad is equally experienced here). Some cultured(?) family may be exceptions to this. A lady getting married must have a basic respect and regards for her parents-in-law. (Yes, at the same time, the man should also have respect for his parents-in-law.) What is the rationale behind ignoring, insulting and hating old-dying-persons in the home? At least, parents staying away should not be a problem to her, but sadly enough, it is so in most cases.

Here comes the key role of parents of a married daughter. After getting their daughter married, they should maintain a safe distance and avoid poking nose in her day to day affairs. The parents (and mother in particular) should ask their daughter to love and respect her parents-in-law. Quarrelling and/or divorce is no answer to such issues. Most of the times parents instigate their daughter via phone calls. Instead, their role must be to teach her good moral and social values.

2. Parents:

Sometimes parents may be themselves cause for this burning issue. Their arrogant, demanding, dictating and dominating nature causes things complicated. Any of these and/or quarrelsome practices on their side makes the issue difficult to be settled. It is difficult to stay with them and adjust.

3. Married Son:

After marriage male partner of the couple has to face two sides: 1. Wife and 2. Parents. He has to try to balance the chain of relationship with both. It is a time of struggle and stress for him. The dominating parents and demanding wife ask him to convey ‘the message’ to the other side. Both of them believe oneself to be right and ask him to do only what they say. Managing this needs neutral, straightforward and strict attitude. Without favouring either, he has to be strict and prudent. This may not be easy many times or say every day.

Having said all, inmates of old-age-homes need not have problems staying with their close ones every time. There may be good tuning amongst them and still, they may be there just for a while for a change in life or freedom. Yes, for them staying at such place is an adventure more than anything else.

Parents should be ready to cooperate, compromise and respect and at the same time, they need your moral support, company and care. Is it too much to expect? They want basic recognition, small respect and a big smile. In reciprocation, they are ready to offer their physical and financial support.

Old-age Homes:

For the aged or older person - who does own his home or has to leave his own, needs shelter somewhere till she/he dies - an old-age-home is the right.

What are different options? The ideal place will have proper stay and food facilities. They are as follows:

1. Charitable (Free)
2. Paid one (Subsidized or Full payment type)
3. Hospital beds for bedridden

1. Charitable and free:

Here the inmate stays free of charge. They might have to stay in dormitory type of rooms which may be congested with more number of people and have less space in total. The main plus point is cost, totally free lodging and boarding. One gets care and company of others. The donations and charity from society manage their finances. The attitude of the staff and management is generally good because they want to serve the suffering old, but sometimes one has to compromise on the dignity and respect issue here.

2. Paid:

a) Subsidized:

Staying inmate has to pay half or even less of the actual expense incurred (Say Rs. 1500 to 3000 per month). A twin sharing room is offered with adequate furniture and attached toilet. Servants clean the room and clothes. The cook prepares food offered in the dining area or the kitchen. If a couple occupies the room with another friend couple around, I think it is a better home away from own home.

b) Non-subsidized:

The inmate pays a total expense of Rs. 5000 to 15000 per month. Here she/he gets all the luxurious facilities like television, air-conditioner and computer with internet connection in the room. One can order the food she/he desires at her/his preferred time. If one can afford, this is the best option - you can live your life in your own way with pleasure and dignity. If a group of friends stays together, let me say it is another heaven on earth.

3. Hospital bed with nursing facility:

This is the need of time. In old-age, a person cannot die at her/his willfully fit. One may have an illness, making one bedridden for a long time, till they get cured or die. A person may be unconscious, unable to get off the bed because of fractures or illness like hemiplegia or cancer. S/he needs day and night care and attendance at staying alive. Some hospitals are offering beds to such needy patients as long as they want. They look after general nursing and medical care at reasonable rates. Such homes are much for any society.

Having discussed all, I have the last option to talk of old-age-homes. That is “My own home, my old-age-home”.

This may sound complicated, but it is not. You arrange for a cook and a house-maid, pay them more than reasonable and that’s all. All you have to do is handle them tactfully and with kindness. They are always ready to serve till you need. The neighbours and others staying around may not be that useless at the time of your need, if only that little relationship is maintained. Now your own home is your old-age-home, the best option to stay.

Well, just start your thought-cycle on this subject and answers are not far away!

Image source: tendercarehome.in