Showing posts sorted by relevance for query daughter. Sort by date Show all posts

When A Daughter Gets Married... Against Parents' Will...

Generally, the wedding of a daughter is event parents plan from the day of her birth. They start saving money and dream about the son-in-law to be. But all these have one condition tagged – “Consent of Parents”. Or say a final decision has to be with and as per the will of the parents. When this does not happen and daughter decides to marry at her own will – against the consent of parents, they get shocked emotionally to its deepest level and this is the subject of my discussion.

Are Old-age-homes Meant For My Parents?

Or if I may ask, are my parents worth sending and keeping in an old-age-home?

The need for time demands more and more old-age-homes to be built. Because:
  • Expense: No problem.
  • Monthly payment amount: No problem.
  • Servants, cook and other staff needed: No problem.
  • Whatever has to be done: No problem!

Father's Reply To A Daughter Married Against His Will

From:    Dr Bharat Desai
To:         feedback2jyoti@chitralekha.com
Date:      Sun, Jul 18, 2010, at 9:53 PM
Subject:  Father's reply to a daughter married against his will, on Father's day.


Beloved Prathana,

This is a reply to your letter published in Chitralekha direct from the heart of a Father, uncensored.


Visiting The Friends/Family: When And How?

Why and how should we visit our close relatives/friends? Close relatives are the best God-gift,. I would first like to talk about who they are, to start this article. They are:
  • Parents
  • Son/daughter
  • Brother/sister
  • Above relatives-in-law and
  • Close friends

Long Vacation At Bengaluru

After voluntary retirement as Government Medical Officer, my wife Dr Bhavana (Devyani) wanted to have a vacation and I joined her. The long break of 14 days (2 weeks) was starting on date 9th March 2011 and ending on 23rd March 2011. We planned to stay at Rahul’s (our son) residence at Bangalore and return to Bilimora.

Vacation - is stopping the continuous job/work and retire at some place at leisure. We know vacation is a change of activity and we did that. It is a recess, say a break or temporary cessation of routine work.

Is vacation necessary?

Mother Is Mother

My mother passed away on 6 Oct 2010. I can say I was with my mother till 60 years of my life. Prof. Sandhyaben Bhatt (Bardoli) sent me her article on her mother and asked me to tell her about my mother. But I was reluctant to spell a few words here and there about my mother because I was considering her beyond words. Anytime, I was remembering her and praising mother is always inadequate and much less compared to the mother’s dedication for her offsprings.

Lemon Juice, Horoscope and Dates

My three true stories with explanations for poor English word power.

Because of exposure to television, internet, mobile and other gadgets of telecommunication, modern day child is far more intelligent than her/his parents and grandparents. He has great vocabulary not only in English but also in Hindi and Gujarati. But what was it like in the past? To know that you have to go through this article.

Where Do You Meet Your Friends?

We are social animals. We have friends and relatives. Being socially attached, we need and desire to meet them. So the question is: Where do you meet them nowadays?

Well, honest and multiple answers to this simple question are quite simple. Let me enumerate the list of present-day meeting places.


Mind Your Mind

Mind your mind! Or you may need a psychiatrist at the earliest.

If you cannot love and respect any one of the following (whatever their nature, economic or intellectual level may be) - Parents, Parents-in-law, Son/Daughter, or Son/Daughter-in-law, consider checking your thought cycle and revise it. Or else, you may be nowhere. 

You may lose your most important life support following your method.

Relationship, at 60.

Continued from I, at 60

Before starting this story, I must admit, I have been accompanied by a brother before birth till today - a pair of twins. We are hardly comparable in any way or let me say, we are totally different in nature, look and attitude - we are always available to each other.

I had parents to guide me till 60, of whom I lost my mother a month back. My father is always available with his viewpoint to guide me in need on any issue with clarity of thought and without forcing to follow the same. I understand it as a great luxury many do not have.

Are You Eligible To Demand Death?

Before demanding death, have you received the "No Objection Certificate" from your children?

At a certain age, a person gets tired of one's life and starts waiting for death. During the lifetime he has passed, it is quite possible he/she had a great career, so-called success and enough earning. But a sense of frustration, unhappiness and dissatisfaction prevails leading to depression demanding the end of the life - death.

Kankaria Carnival, Flower Show And Ahmedabad

25-Dec-2017 onwards, I had talked with my friend Anilbhai Desai on phone two-three times. Every time, he mentioned the worthiness of seeing Kankaria Carnival and invited us. But I was resistant to go. On 30-Dec-2017, while talking with Jayshreeben Desai, she also invited and insisted to visit Ahmedabad. So, my wife Bhavana and I accepted the invitation. In fact, when we need to face young generation people, we avoid out of fear of difference and generation gap. Even visiting close relatives and friends is not that pleasing nowadays, and so we avoid as far as possible. I had sufficiently interacted with Anilbhai's son – Darshan and his wife Shalu, so I could be little courageous to decide for the visit.

Balancing Relations

Balancing two sides of relations:
  1. A son/daughter: Parents and offsprings
  2. A married woman: Parents and parents-in-laws
  3. A married son: Wife and parents
When you are any of the above, you are an in-between person. You have to be tricky, cautious and careful person in handling either side maintaining your own views or you will be in trouble. You need not be judging any, but you have to be neutral and caring both.

લગ્નજીવનની સમસ્યાઓ: કારણો, અસર અને મારા ઉપાયો

છૂટાછેડા (Divorce): છૂટાછેડા એટલે કાનુની રીતે થયેલ લગ્નનો અંત (Divorce is the termination of a legal marriage)
  1. Without marriage, there is no divorce
  2. Marriage can be easily done but not divorce
  3. Marriage is not decided in heaven; marriage is a result of one’s hurriedly made mistake
  4. Life is more important than marriage. So, if you are convinced about the failure of a marriage, end the marriage, but not the life.
કારણો
  • Financial Crisis: નાણાં કમાવાની અશક્તિ ને કારણે નાણાનો અભાવ
  • Domestic Violence: ઘરેલુ ઝગડાઓ અને મારામારી. પતિ કે પત્ની દ્વારા અપમાનજનક વર્તન
  • Denied (refusal) of a Sexual Relationship: શરીર સંબંધ ની મનાઈ અથવા વિરોધ
  • Lack of Mutual Respect: પરસ્પર માન-સન્માનનો અભાવ
  • Lack of Love: પરસ્પર પ્રેમ
  • Extramarital Relationship: લગ્ન બહારનો શરીર સંબંધ
આ પરંપરાગત કારણો સિવાયના હાલનાં કારણો
  • ભણેલી, કમાતી અને આર્થિક રીતે સ્વાવલંબી સ્ત્રી (Feminism and Women Empowerment): લગ્ન જીવનનાં પાયામાં રહેલાં Adjustment and Compromise ભુલીને સાધારણ નાની-નાની તકલીફો પણ અસહ્ય બતાવીને લગ્નજીવનનો અંત લાવવા તૈયાર થઈ જાય છે.
  • Communication gap and Ego: પોતપોતાના સ્વભાવના અહંકારને લીધે અને પરસ્પર વાતચીતના સમયના અભાવે વાર્તાલાપ કે ચર્ચા બંધ થઈ જતાં-પ્રશ્નોના કારણો અને નિરાકરણની ચર્ચા થતી નથી, તેથી પણ છૂટા પડી જવાય છે.
  • Lack of Commitment: લગ્નજીવનમાં ભંગાણ અને છૂટાછેડા સમાજમાં હવે ખરાબ ન ગણાતા હોવાથી છૂટાછેડાની સ્થિતિ ને સમાજે સ્વીકારી લીધી છે, જેથી હવે છૂટાછેડાનો કોઈ છોછ રહ્યો નથી તેથી લગ્નજીવનની વીધીમાં આપેલા વચનોની ગંભીરતા રહી નથી (No Social Taboo). પરસ્પર માટે પ્રેમ કે લાગણી અને પરસ્પર માટે બધુ જ કરી છુટવાની ભાવના જતી રહી છે-મરી પરવારી છે.
  • Family Interference: સંયુક્ત કુટુંબની ભાવના અને સંયુક્ત રહેવાનું ન હોવાથી પતિ-પત્નીનું એકલા રહેવું જોખમી બન્યું છે. નાનામોટા ઝગડાઓએ કાયમી સ્વરૂપ પકડ્યું છે અને સમાધાન શક્ય રહ્યું નથી.
  • Mobile Connectivity and Parents Interference. મોબાઈલ ફોને મોકાણ મંડી છે. કે ડાટ વાળ્યો છે એમ કહીયે તો ચાલે એ ખોટું નથી. સવાર-સાંજ ફોન દ્વારા માબાપની ચર્ચા લગ્નજીવનમાં ખલેલ પહોંચાડે છે અને વખત જતાં લગ્નો તોડે છે.
  • Dowry - વાંકડો
  • Modern Lifestyle: Hectic complex lifestyle causing high ambitions, expectations leading to anger, frustrations and confrontations.




છૂટાછેડાની અસરો

  • કૌટુંબિક અસર: છૂટાછેડા જીવનનો અકુદરતી વણાંક છે તેથી છૂટા પાડનાર પાત્રો પતિ- પત્ની, તેના માબાપો, ભાઈબહેન અને કુટુંબીજનો માટે એક અસહ્ય આઘાત અને માનસિક હતાશા-નિરાશા લાવે છે. લગ્નજીવનની આ નિષ્ફળતા વૈવાહિક જીવનનો અંત તો લાવે જ છે પણ સાથે સાથે અસહ્ય વેદના અને સાધારણ દૈનિક જીવનને પણ ખલેલ પહોંચાડે છે. આ નામોશીને કારણે તેઓ બધા સાથે કુદરતી રીતે હળીમળી શકતા નથી અને જીવનની નિષ્ફળતાના વિચારોને લીધે આરોગ્યની સમસ્યા પણ લાવે છે.
Judicial Separation
  • એકબીજાથી છૂટા પડવું લગ્નનો અંત લાવી એકબીજાથી જુદા રહેતા પાત્રોને છૂટાછેડા સહેલાઈથી મળતા નથી. આથી ફરીથી લગ્ન શક્ય બનતા નથી ઉપરાંત ન કુંવારા-ન પરણેલા જેવી વિપરીત સ્થિતિમાં આ પાત્રો લાંબા સમય સુધી જીવન જીવવા ધકેલાઈ જાય છે.
થોડી છૂટાછેડાની અસરો વિષે

ભારતીય ન્યાયાલયોમાં છૂટાછેડા બહુ સહેલાઈથી મળતા નથી. બન્ને પક્ષોએ માનસિક ત્રાસ વર્ષો સુધી ભોગવવો પડતો હોય છે. જેને કારણે આર્થિક શારીરીક તેમજ માનસિક રીતે ખૂબ મોટું નુકશાન ભોગવે છે.

પરસ્પર સંમતિ (Mutual Consent) એ સહેલાઈથી છૂટાછેડા મેળવવાનો એકમાત્ર રસ્તો છે. જે માટે બન્ને પક્ષ (થાકયા સિવાય, હાર્યા સિવાય) વહેલા તૈયાર થતાં નથી. અને ભારતીય ન્યાયાલયોમાં કાયદાકીય રીતે છૂટાછેડા મેળવવું અશક્ય છે. તે સમજે છે.

કાયદાકીય પ્રશ્નો
લગ્નને કારણે ઊભી થતી સમસ્યાઓ આ પ્રમાણે છે:
  1. ભરણપોષણ: Code of criminal procedure 1973 મુજબ લગ્નજીવન પર આધારિત વ્યક્તિ કોઈ પણ પુરુષ, સ્ત્રી અને બાળક ઉપરાંત તેના માતા-પિતા ભરણપોષણનો હક્ક મેળવે છે. તે આવક રજુઆત અને ન્યાયાધીશની વિવેકબુદ્ધિ પ્રમાણે મળે છે. ઉંમર, આવક, માંદગી વગેરે પ્રમાણે નક્કી થાય છે. આવક ન ધરાવતો પતિ પણ પત્ની પાસે થી ભરણપોષણ મેળવી શકે છે.
  2. બાળક: બાળકનો કબ્જો, તેનું લાલનપાલન અને તેની સાથે બન્નેના સંબંધો ખૂબ મુશ્કેલ બની જાય છે. પરસ્પરની સમજુતી પછી કોર્ટના હુકમને આધારે તેને દર મહિને ભરણપોષણ અને તેની સાથે મુલાકાત ગોઠવી શકાય છે.
  3. માલમિલકતમાં ભાગ: પત્નીને ભરણપોષણ સિવાય કોઈ જાતનો ભાગ મળતો નથી. પત્નીનો પતિની મિલકતમાં સીધી રીતે કોઈ ભાગ હોતો નથી.
  4. સીધેસીધા છૂટાછેડા: સાત વર્ષ કે સિત્તેર વર્ષ (!) છૂટા રહેવાથી છૂટાછેડા મળતા નથી. પાત્રનું મરણ સાબિત કરવું અનિવાર્ય છે.
છૂટાછેડા બાબતે આપની ફરજો
  1. દંપતી: છૂટાછેડાની નાની નાની બાબતોમાં ધમકી આપતા પાત્રોએ ગંભીરતા કેવળવી જરૂરી છે. લગ્ન એ સંપૂર્ણ જીવન દરમ્યાન સુખમાં, દુ:ખમાં, તકલીફમાં, આનંદમાં પરસ્પર સમજુતીથી (Compromise) અને એકબીજાની સાથે અનુકુળતા (Adjustment) સાધી જીવવાની પ્રક્રિયા છે. તે બન્ને માબાપોએ, કુટુંબીઓએ અને મિત્રોએ લગ્ન પહેલા લગ્ન જીવન દરમ્યાન અને છૂટા પડ્યા બાદ વિગતે સમજવાની જરૂર છે. Compromise and adjustment are the keys to success of marriage and life.
  2. સગાસંબંધી: લગ્નના ભંગાણને આરે આવી છૂટા રહેતા પત્રોને ગંભીરતાથી લેવાની જરૂર છે. માબાપો લગ્નમાં લાગત્ય વળગતા દરેક સગઓ અને મિત્રમંડળોએ સામૂહિક રીતે ભેગા મળી પ્રશ્નો સમજી તેનું નિરાકરણ લાવવાની કોશિષ કરવી જોઈએ. અંગત રીતે બન્નેને મળીને તકલીફો સમજી નાના નાના કારણોથી છૂટાછેડા ન થાય તે જોવાની આપણી ફરજ છે. કારણ જો બીજા લગ્નની ઈચ્છા હશે તો આનાથી પણ ખરાબ પાત્ર મળી શકે એ શક્યતા પણ ધ્યાન પર લાવવાની જરૂર છે.
લગ્ન માટે ‘હા’ કહેતા પહેલા... (Before saying ‘yes’ for marriage...)

આપણે વાત કરી તે મુજબ છૂટાછેડા કે લગ્નજીવનની તકલીફ રોકવાનો એકમાત્ર ઉપાય લગ્ન પહેલાની સાવચેતી અને કાળજી છે.

લગ્ન ન થતાં હોવાથી અથવા લગ્નની ઉતાવળમાં, જે કોઈ પહેલી લગ્નની ઓફર આવે તેને આંધડુક્રિયા કરીને હા પાડવું ભયજનક-ખતરનાક છે. ચાલો, સમજીએ.

લગ્નની હા પાડતા પહેલા નીચેના પ્રશ્નો વિગતે સમજો ચર્ચા કરો અભિપ્રાય જાણો પરસ્પર સંમત થાવ.
  1. બાળકો: લગ્ન પછી બાળકો લાવીશું? ક્યારે? કેટલાં? બાળકોને કોણ રાખશે, મા કે કામવાળી?
  2. આવક: બન્નેની આવકનો વહીવટ કેવી રીતે કરીશું? પૈસા ભેગા રાખીશું? સહિયારો વહીવટ કરીશું? 
  3. ઘરકામ કોણ કરશે? અડધા- અડધાકામો વહેચીશું કે કામવાળી?
  4. મા-બાપ: બન્નેના માબાપની કાળજી કઈ રીતે લઈશું? સાથે રાખીશું? પૈસા મોકળીશું કે પછી વૃદ્ધાશ્રમ?
વારસાગત રોગો

જન્માક્ષર જોવડાવતાં ન અચકાતાં આપણે મેડિકલ ચેકઅપ માટે તૈયાર થતાં નથી અને પછી લગ્નમાં ભેરવાયા છીએ AIDS, હ્રદય રોગ, કે ખેંચ જેવા લગ્ન પહેલાના રોગો લગ્નને નિષ્ફળ બનાવી શકે છે. બન્નેની વિગતવાર મેડિકલ ચેકઅપ કરાવી તંદુરસ્તીની ખાત્રી કરો. આંખના, લોહીના, માનસિક કે શરીરના વારસાગત રોગો બાળકોમાં આવતા જીવવું મુશ્કેલ બનાવી દે છે.
આપણે સૌ અનાવિલ સમાજ કંઈ વિચારીશું?

દીકરીના અવિચારી લગ્ન અને માબાપ

પુત્રી પોતાની મરજીથી માબાપની ઈચ્છા વિરુદ્ધ લગ્ન કરે છે, ત્યારે માબાપ ઉપર આભ તૂટી પડે એટલું દુ:ખ આવી પડતું હોય છે.

કારણો
  1. એકવીસમી સદીમાં મળેલા ઈલેક્ટ્રોનિક સાધનો મોબાઈલ, ઇન્ટરનેટ, લેપટોપ, ટેલીવિઝન ને કારણે બાળકો ખૂબ હોંશિયાર બની જાય છે. અને તેથી અજાણપણે માબાપને મૂર્ખ માને છે.
  2. માબાપ એક જ બાળક હોવાથી બાળકને જોઈતી, માંગેલી ચીજો પરવડે કે નહીં તો પણ લાવી આપે છે. આમ સાઈકલ, મોપેડ, કપડાં કે બૂટ કે કોઈપણ ચીજ મેળવીને જ જંપતું બાળક ના સાંભળવા ટેવાયું જ નથી. તેથી ખોટા લગ્ન પણ પોતાની મરજી થી જ કરે છે.
  3. ચલચિત્રો, ઇન્ટરનેટ, ટેલીવિઝન ના યુગમાં ઉઘાડે છોગ બતાવતા શારીરક સંબંધો ને કારણે શારીરીક ઈચ્છાઓ વહેલી ઉંમરે જાગતા ખોટા પાત્ર સાથે જોડાઈ જાય છે.
માબાપને સલાહ
  1. દુ:ખનું ઓસડ દહાડ ધીરજ ધરો સમયને સમયનું કામ કરવા દો. શાંતિ જાળવો. શોકાતુર ન બનો. ગુસ્સો ના કરો.
  2. દીકરીને તમારા અણગમાના કારણો સમજાવો.
  3. દીકરી સાથે સંપર્ક જાળવી રાખો.
  4. ભૂલ એ ભૂલ છે તે ભૂલીને, બાકીના સંબંધો અને જીવન યથાવત રાખો.
  5. આ પ્રશ્નનો ઉકેલ તમારે ત્રણે જ કાઢવાનો છે. સારો રસ્તો ચોક્કસ દેખાશે ગેરમાર્ગે દોરશો નહિ.


Why Do I Write?

When I started writing on my blog, I used to ask myself if I should write at all. If yes, why? I would like to share my views on this topic with you.

I write for myself. This may sound egoistic, but it is self-explanatory as well. Because I want freedom from my thought cycle, I get mental catharsis by just writing out whatever it is. While having some serious events with myself, say the death of my mother first and then father, writing down makes a record of my emotions at a given time which I’m never going to repeat.

Confession on Women's Day

Being a member of the male-dominated culture and having an Anavil inheritance of male-ego, I was wrongly considering myself superior to my wife Dr Bhavana Desai (Devyani). I want to confess, I was wrong.


Family Reunion 2021

My daughter-in-law Shivani has seen many family get-togethers during the last decade at her paternal home town - Dungri. So she wanted a similar gathering with the family in Bilimora. We four i.e. Bhavana, Vaishali, Rahul, and I were reluctant to hold one without any cause. Ultimately, we thought of trying this at least once, and so we decided to hold our Sharada Mohan family's first "Family Reunion" on 24-25 January 2021, Sunday-Monday.

A family is a unit of people formed naturally by brothers and sisters of the same parents. A family can be extended by adding uncles and aunts (Kaka, Fui, Mama, Masi) with their offspring. Thus, a family comprises the people who love and support the members in good and bad times.

We tried to meet for two days and one night thinking it would be enough time - neither too short nor dragged. Yes,  we were happy and enjoyed ourselves all the while.

To finalise the venue, we initially Anaval Shukleshwar Dham and Saidham, Majigam. The cleanliness and furnishing of the rooms, the interiors, and the area outside at Saidham appealed to us. We just booked the rooms and started searching for the caterer. Maheshbhai Raval, chairman of the Saidham suggested Umesh from Gandevi. We finalised the menu with the timetable and ordered it accordingly. We invited all the members to confirm their presence and all replied accordingly.


For reasons unknown to us, our bond of family was not strong enough and emotional attachment was appearing weak. But to our pleasant surprise, we were found wrong. In two days, togetherness melts all the ice of wrong prejudices and misbeliefs. 

Get set and go! 

On Sunday morning, nearly all gathered at the venue before 10:00. They had a long journey of 390 km from Pune, 350 km from Ahmedabad, and 200 km from Mumbai to reach the venue.

We thought we would play, chat, eat, and enjoy all the available time. To our pleasure, the same could be done! Our family comprises the elderly averaging mid-60s, the young generation at 40s and children around 5-10 years of age. The youngest being at 5 and the eldest at 76! All of them mixed together to play the games like cricket, saat thikari (સાત ઠીંકરી), badminton, housie, musical chair, pass-the-ball game. I will say - 'seeing is believing'! Because the words can not describe the details and experience. During the game of cricket, a lady at 70 was running fast to take the runs! Everybody wanted to win the housie game. So not getting the required numbers and desired result was making them unhappy, even angry and very chirpy. It got loud in the calm late night in the temple campus. But that only reenergised everyone to play for longer.

While playing saat thikari, cracking down the seven stones piled up and then getting the members of the opposite team out was never easy. All were excited and enjoying. Same with the musical chair and pass-the-ball games! The challenging games brought out the competitive spirit in all.


Food: The arranged meals such that at regular two hours' intervals some food was served. Breakfasts, three Gujarati Thalis, and a non-stop serving of tea-coffee made the show. The menu was of Anavil taste including walnut halva (અખરોટનો હલવો), shrikhand (શ્રીખંડ), and jalebi (જલેબી) as sweets; Jalaram sev-khaman (સેવ ખમણ), upama (ઉપમા), undhiyu (ઉંધીયું), banana-methi pakoda (કેળા-મેથીના પકોડા), batata-vada (બટાકા વડા) as farsaan (ફરસાણ) with two vegetables and rice-daal to complete the menu. All loved moong shaak (મગનું શાક) and hot fried puris (પુરી) for the breakfast on the last morning. The concluding event was high tea! Tea-coffee with biscuits and home-made chocolates Vaishali had prepared.


We had a nice jogging track of about a kilometre to walk around the pond full of greenery with lotus flowers all around. Most of us went for a walk there with ones' own group and enjoyed the sunrise and/or sunset as a bonus! Only lucky people get a chance of long walks in nature these days.


 The meeting - getting together - is itself a great pleasure. Just imagine a family gathering without any agenda and just with the desire to be with one another. 

We could realise that being together itself creates great emotions of love, respect and brotherhood.  Just talking without subject and making a presence at the sight gives a sense of well-being, happiness and satisfaction. 

At the end of the day, we have learnt to keep meeting again and again. Our craving to be together again at the earliest has begun!


--Map directions to Sai Dham, Majigam

Anavils - An Endangered Community

After Parsis, Anavils (Anavil Brahmins, અનાવિલ બ્રાહ્મણ ) are the fastest decreasing community. The total population of Anavils around the world does not exceed two lakhs figure and that is also fast reducing day by day. Days are not far, beyond a century or so, when they will have to be seen/found in records, photos, and videos. Why?

Because,
   - they get married too late,
   - many are dying unmarried,
   - they wait for the career to be settled before the first (and maybe the only) childbirth.

So,
   The number of children per couple is either one or zero.
   It is certain that nothing can save this community from extinction - vanishing!
Let me try to introduce this community.

Mr. Klass W VanDer Veen - a Dutch scholar and Professor at Amsterdam University prepared a thesis on "Anavils" and wrote a book "I Give Thee My Daughter ". He concluded, "Anavils are smart, efficient, and clever but heavily disunited.”

British Government recognized Anavil as one with a sharp intellect and efficient administrator.

Ambelal G Desai (Valsad), Author of a book on Anavils of South Gujarat, who studied Anavilism extensively, said: “By and large, the people of this area – Anavils – are clever, frank, tolerant, quiet, luxury-loving and cheerful. They are not prone to quarrel readily and are not found wanting in doing whatever could be achieved lawfully.” (Anavils of South Gujarat was published in 1969 in Gujarati, and translated in English by Harish Desai and Hakumat Desai in 1995)

Captain Newport (1882) had personal and extensive contact with Anavils. He found Anavils as:
  1. Flattering and obedient
  2. On being questioned, they would hardly give a straight answer. They would either give the wrong answer prompted by selfish motives or feign ignorance.
  3. Best Farmers
  4. Smart and industrious
  5. Intelligent
The settlement report (1868) with the British says:
  1. They are known for their tact and quarrelsome nature.
  2. They are firmly insistent on getting their viewpoint accepted.
  3. They are fond of litigation and fight with unusual tenacity for a tree, a piece of land, or for a confiscated right. Only death can end their dispute.
  4. They cannot be won over by arguments or negotiations. 
I am adding my own impressions of Anavils being an Anavil one-self and staying amongst them for 64 years in two Hindi words: Aapvadai (Superiority complex) and Hamsachchai (My truth is the only truth).
  1. Superiority Complex: We (Anavils, that is) have inherited this virtue because of being “King" - the rulers. Each one of us considers him/herself "The Best" of all around and the most intelligent individual, whatever the real IQ level may be. This simple-looking virtue becomes bad to worse later when he/she progresses to consider all others inferior to him/her. The real problem starts here and because of this lack of respect for one another in particular and community, in general, cannot be expected. The unity amongst caste fellows is not to be dreamt of.
  2. My truth is the only truth: We are intelligent people and good administrators, but we dominate. Whatever one says is the only truth and it has to be followed by everyone. It is not optional nor there is any scope for correction or discussion. This nature has led to many poor relationships amongst each other and no fellow is available.
From Prime Minister, Physician, and Pleader to Peon – Anavils are everywhere!

We were living and belonging to South Gujarat (in India), from Kosamba in the north to Vapi towns within the south. 120 kilometers area between rivers Daman Ganga in the south to Kim in the north was inhabited in South Gujarat (India) by Anavils. Nowadays one can find an Anavil anywhere in any country in the world.


You can find Anavils anywhere, say:
Prime Minister of India, Morarji R Desai
Chief Justice of India, Dhirubhai Desai
Governor of the State (Andhra Pradesh), Khandubhai Desai
Managing Director of L & T, Anil M Naik
Physician to President of India, Dr Chhotubhai Naik
Pleader, Bhulabhai Desai
The list can never end until you fill all the important positions by Anavils. Let’s go deeper into history.

History of Anavils

The history of Anavils has deep roots. 5,000 years back, Anavils were brought to a village named Anaval  (then known as Anadipur) in South Gujarat from Ayodhya by Hanuman for doing Maha Yajña for Shri Rama who wanted to wash out the sin of killing King Ravana – a brahmin. They were Aryans migrated from Afghanistan.

According to the Court poet Bhukhan of Chatrapati Shivaji Maharaj, the population of Anaulla (now known as Anavils) were staying at Magadh around Bihar. The ruler Anavil named "Putrak" married to Naga Kanya "Patli" and they constructed the capital city of their state "Patli-Putrak". He said, the great Chanakya, also known as Kautilya, was Anavil.

After this great mission, these Brahmins labelled as Anavils became ruler of Kingdom Anaval. Anaval state had Vyara, Mahuva, Vansada and Chikhali talukas.

Buddhists took the Bhil community in hand to have a war with Anavils under the leadership of Vansia Bhil. The Anavil king lost this war. Around 1186 AD, the Anavil king Samandhar Vashi won the war against Vansia Bhil with the help of Rajput King of Paatan, Siddharaj Jaisinh. But he lost interest in Kingdom and gave it to Rajputs. King Digvirandrasinh was the last Rajput ruler of this state, later named as Vansada state.
Anavils were spread all around 300 villages of South Gujarat. I must tell about a few important ones with their relevant stories.
  • Anaval: Anaval is 60 km from Surat and Navsari having Shukleshwar Mahadev Temple on the bank of river Kaveri. It is considered to be the primary place of Anavil settlement in the region and Brahmins who resided here became famous as Anavil Brahmins (1932 Anaval Jagat). Anaval is our birth-place and Lord Rama had installed Lord Shukleshwar himself (1906  Vasanji Desai). Shri Kalidas (in Mukta Shastra) said Anaval was inhabited by Anavils and their marble decoration was comparable to Paris and Venice.
  • Surat: Majority of land was owned by Anavils. The credit for creation and growth of Surat city goes to Anavils. It was only Anavils, the active force in this District as it is in their names they formed different "Para" resided by a specific group of Anavils. Residents of Surat are using these names for described area till today.
  • Gandevi: "Desaiji Pedhi" of Anant Vashi is known for last 400 years. Their history is highly credit-worthy. I must tell you about the Sati Mata temple of Gandevi, situated on the bank of a pond at crossroads. The daughter of Gopalji Desai, Ichchhaben, had become "Sati" (dying on the cremation-fire of her husband). She was the first and the last Sati in Anavil community. In her memory, Desaiji family erected a temple. The people of faith go to pay obeisance to temple where a fare is held annually during festivals of Diwali.
  • Mamadev Temple of Puni: We can go on talking this and that, but I shall contain with this last story of Puni. An Anavil brother attacked robbers to protect his sister from being robbed. He attacked robbers successfully with the help of local youth but lost his own life in the pious duty of saving the sister and village from robbers. In his memory, the grateful people of Puni erected a temple "Mamadev Temple" seen till today.
Anavils are a dynamic community ready to change for better and in the process, they have had multiple resolutions for social reforms regarding marriage, engagement, dowry, thread ceremony, death and condolence. 1868 Resolution, 1924 Kaliawadi Resolution, 1929 Puni Resolution and 1931 Paria (Taluka: Olpad) Anavil Samaj Sudharak Mandal to name a few.

Gopi Naik Raso said, "The Anavil, instead of engaging himself in duties of a Brahmin, made politics dear and achieved bright success in it. He became the pillar of the state. Power and wealth were at his feet and he remained Ajachak (Non-acceptor) and a donor. Because of being non-acceptor and donor, he enjoyed a special position amongst the Brahmins. People respected him for his power and influence with the government. His generosity earned him the nickname of "Baadshah".

With all these details, who would like this great community to vanish? The attempts to save them has to start at earliest before it is too late. In addition to Anavils themselves, the NGO and Government machinery should be active to stop their decrease in number.
Timely marriage, early children (minimum two) and marriage among the same caste of Anavils are the minimum steps.
Who will do this?
Shall we start a commercial campaign to do all this?
Or shall we start preparing museum of Anavils to show the extinguished species of Anavils?
We cannot sit and relax...

The facts and statistics in this article are based on the book Anavils of South Gujarat written by Ambelal Gopalji Desai (in Gujarati) and translated in English by Harish Desai and Hakumat Desai (1995), published by Harshad K Desai.


----------------------------------
Have a look at the brief survey I conducted on Facebook.
----------------------------------



----------------------------------
And the feedback I received.
----------------------------------



Rahul & Shivani's Wedding

Whatever smartness or intelligence one has, to anticipate the probable attitude of the future partner is difficult. So for the continuation of the marriage, adjustment and compromises are must, compulsory.



One has to marry because the law does not allow man-woman physical relations at random and society has laid certain norms of man-woman staying together. Though liberate present-day scenario allows live-in relations and physical relationship without much fuss, marriages are unavoidable.

Once decided to marry, the second question arising is the method – the technique of the wedding. How many persons to be invited, the place of the wedding, the menu and its preparation and the details of the function is the subject of this article.

Gujarat – Introduction And History

A student of History has to understand Geography, Economics and Anthropology simultaneously. A person curious to know about world history has to proceed step by step, learning his own state first, then country and then only one can understand world history. Well, appreciating above facts, I am starting my study with History Of My State Of Gujarat. I have put it in order of time and later described important states and rulers.