Dr. Bharat Desai's Blog

While alive, we feel the life to be full of problems and troubles. We remain stressed around even trivial issues. We keep searching for the problem-solving methods. Here is one answer.

Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. – Gautama Buddha We all know ‘Anger’ does not do any good to anybody. Almost all of us have dealt with it very closely, either as the recipient, the 'perpetrator' or often both. Then why do we fail to stay away from getting angry every off and on? Let’s take a deep dive into what anger is all about and if there is anything we can do to stay away from getting angry at all.

When you are young and earning reasonably more, spending becomes an inescapable habit. There is no brake that can stop your consumerism from growing bigger when you have a credit card! Well, ‘financial discipline’ is the first condition for happy living and enjoying a tension-free, stress-free life. I thought I must show the ideal way with a few handy tips.

I know the title create some ambiguity around its meaning. Here’s the story: the author was a medical student studying at Surat during 1969-1974. Being an offspring of a middle-class family, all his parents could send him every month was Rs. 100 (One hundred). No doubt, this was more than 25% of his father’s salary and the rest 75% was to be spent by remaining nine members of the family. So, I used to receive Rs. 100 by MT (money transfer) at Bank of Baroda, Vanita Vishram (Surat) branch. Now this amount was exhausted in total on day one itself – so the remaining 29 days of the month had to be spent without any money – ‘zero balance’ stage, for all five years of the under graduation. This makes the story titled "Life without money - 24 hours x 29 days x 60 months"!

An  Adivasi girl Sangita at Nahari Hotel , Pangarbari (near Wilson Hills, Gujarat) teaches us the Indian culture and way of welcoming guests! On 15-Jun-2016, my friend Sanjay Mahant and I visited a scenic hill-station in South Gujarat – Wilson Hills (near Dharampur). We wandered during the noon enjoying the view of the hill-station and chitchatting. We just did not think of the time while experiencing the pleasing wind and nature.

This is a rare story of how a person from Valsad (Gujarat) turned into someone serving Aadivasi (tribal) girls far away from his home in the interiors of the Dharampur forests. Naresh Ramanandi, my friend Sanjay Mahant’s brother-in-law, is a dedicated follower of Shri Rang Avadhoot Bapji of Nareshwar. Bapji once told I shall take rebirth as an Adivasi . So in search of Shri Avadhoot Bapji, Naresh ji opted to reach this area and thought of some service activity.

It was a Thursday, otherwise a working day at my hospital, but I chose to declare it a holiday because my friend Sanjay Mahant and I asked each other to go for an event at Kanya Chhatralaya, Vagavad (near Dharampur, Gujarat). In turn, surprise visit to this hill-station materialised on 15-June-2016. One of the less visited hill-stations and waiting to be developed for tourist needs, this is one of the best hilly places I have ever seen. If you want to share nature in a less crowded, say lonely place, Wilson Hills is for you. This 2500 feet high place is 25 km away from Dharampur and 130 km from Surat. We can easily reach here by very good roads in the scenic Western Ghats. What nobody knows about this hill-station is, this is the only place 2500 feet high showing glimpse of the sea!

In Greece, there is a law about marriages. It forces you to give a detailed advertisement of marriage decision telling about both bride and groom.... one month in advance, in the newspaper. I think this exercise gives you time to reconsider regarding the prudence of your decision. You may analyse your said partner and think about compatibility. Then the chances of cancelling the decision are more. Or readers of the news may warn you about the drawbacks of the said partner, leading to no marriage at the said place.

Your mouth must actively be closed. Or else, bacteria, insects and unwanted calories will be engulfed leading to diseases, obesity and other undesired troubles. The tongue behind will kill you if you inadvertently and imprudently overuse it. See, the creator of human body ''God'' has kept nose and ears permanently open and eyes also open most of the time, except while sleeping. However, the mouth has to be kept closed all the time except for speaking and eating.

After getting married, the wife changes her name and adds husband's name. Similarly, the husband should also add wife's name to his. And both can drop their fathers' names. After the wedding, the wife wears "Mangal Sutra" and applies "Bindi" on her forehead. The married man - the husband - too should find out similar symbolic marks on neck and forehead. And till then, he should copy wearing Mangal Sutra and Bindi.

If you want to ignore strict dieting and stress of not getting to eat this and that... Be diet conscious! Let us start afresh... Avoid cakes in any celebration... be it a birthday, wedding anniversary, promotion or success in the examination. It was never used in such events in the past; it is a present-day wrong fashion! Second is ice-cream in any form... Kulfi, Cones, Milk-shakes, Cups, Falooda or even ice-cream pakoda !

Think this over. The ratio of the male-female population today is 1000:920, meaning 100:92, or to be simplest 10:9. Meaning thereby if every 9 women marry one man each... one out of 10 men will remain unmarried. Now think... What is the remedy if all the men wanted to get married? The only ethical remedy would be, that one of every nine women should marry two men.

As far as you are sharing your views, events and a few of your photos, everything is fair enough and natural. If you are too much eager to ask for so many likes, comments and sharing your presentation, frustration is imminent!

Girls do " Gauri Vrat " to get a good husband. After getting one, they do " Kadava Chouth " and " Vat Savitri Poonam Vrat ". This is customary amongst all. At the same time, boys and later the married men do not follow any such ritual, nor do they do any fasting at all.

Present day thinking leads to breaking a relation on many occasions. It is undesirable but still natural. Don't get panicked about it; relax and think over the following:

When you hear or read some intelligent people like Osho, Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev or any alike, you start agreeing to whatever they say. Not because you are his follower or student, but because the content is true. Then you hear or read what he tells about some other topic and you again agree in total. Now the paralysing of your intelligence has begun. You surrender in total. Without your awareness, you stop thinking and become dependent on him. This is "paralysing intelligence". Beware!

When you are happy and relaxed, you feel everything is going well. This results in the negligence of four must s for health: Exercise Diet consciousness Rest  Sleep The end result is an unconsciously added obesity... a lifetime friend !

We receive messages in conversations and communications, and a reply or at least some response is expected by the sender. But more often than not, this replying does not take place. Even we are unaware of this and find no problem with this attitude. We do not feel sorry for not responding. I asked why this happens and this article is the outcome of the said question. While talking, someone asks a question and waits for the reply with frustration of getting none. Similarly we receive letters, messages on mobile phone, Whatsapp, Facebook, e-mails, Twitter and many other methods we use on the internet. Everywhere, the ‘replying’ is surprisingly missing. You will be surprised to know, the reasons are either absent or practically insignificant-trivial. Even when one remains absent at a wedding, birthday party, marriage anniversary, inaugural function or any such important occasion where he/she was invited, they do not convey any message of greeting and regarding his absence.

We are social animals. We have friends and relatives. Being socially attached, we need and desire to meet them. So the question is: Where do you meet them nowadays? Well, honest and multiple answers to this simple question are quite simple. Let me enumerate the list of present-day meeting places.

Whatever smartness or intelligence one has, to anticipate the probable attitude of the future partner is difficult. So for the continuation of the marriage, adjustment and compromises are must, compulsory. One has to marry because the law does not allow man-woman physical relations at random and society has laid certain norms of man-woman staying together. Though liberate present-day scenario allows live-in relations and physical relationship without much fuss, marriages are unavoidable. Once decided to marry, the second question arising is the method – the technique of the wedding. How many persons to be invited, the place of the wedding, the menu and its preparation and the details of the function is the subject of this article.

Are credit cards a BOON? – YES. Are credit cards a CURSE? – YES. You may be surprised reading this answer to these questions appearing rather simple. But the exercise of this article is to compare the advantages and drawbacks of credit cards after understanding the issues relating to it and finally, deciding where the truth lies.

How does someone's habit bother you? What is your concern about a person's habit? Before discussing about the habits in general and bad habits in particular, I would like to reply these two questions. We, the humans, are social animals. We live together a life in a society with people around us. Many a times, the dialogue with any individual with bad habits irritates us, disturbs our mood and sometimes makes us angry. Thus the awareness about good manners without bad habits is highly important. You see, habits die hard. But the bad habits die harder!

A self-destroying compulsion, what really is Comparison ? We mean it as an evaluation of the similarities and differences of one or more persons/entities to some other persons/entities. So, it is an account of resemblances and contrasts as superior or inferior. We humans have an inherited habit of comparing ourselves with near ones, friends and relatives, usually after considering them to be superior in our imaginary belief.

Air, water and food are must for a life, we know. But, many of us do not know that sleep is the fourth most essential for life giving sound body and mind. Loss of sleep, better known as insomnia, present in the third of the world's adult population leads to mental depression, a life threatening disease. An adult needs six to eight hours of uninterrupted profound sleep every day. How to ensure this? Let us understand the ways to deal with this issue point to point, and to get sound sleep.

Generally, the wedding of a daughter is event parents plan from the day of her birth. They start saving money and dream about the son-in-law to be. But all these have one condition tagged – “Consent of Parents”. Or say a final decision has to be with and as per the will of the parents. When this does not happen and daughter decides to marry at her own will – against the consent of parents, they get shocked emotionally to its deepest level and this is the subject of my discussion.

Money. How much is enough? Present time has created an impression that more the money more the happiness. Poverty makes a person inferior in this society, however clever, intelligent, honest and hardworking he or she may be. So, the young generation of the day has clear idea of being rich by earning more and earning at the earliest. So the question arises, how much money is enough money? Before giving the clear cut answer as I am certainly going to do – I would like to tell you the evolution of money.

My random thoughts on the demise of a mother. What do I understand while pronouncing “mother”? I do not need to go far away. I just see so many mothers around, to name a few, I shall say:                 Dr Bhavana Desai (My wife)                 Dr Amita Desai                 Dr Shefali Naik                 Mina Vijay Desai And I just see a few single mothers like:                 Dr Indumati K Desai (My mother-in-law)                 Vasuben Radhod (My hospital staff)          ...

While being surrounded by strangers struggling with their problems at a public place, say, in a lift, in a waiting room, in a queue at the bank, cinema, or elsewhere, we remain silent and make no conversation. Because we think it to be a bad manner, awkward or challenging. That is not right. Instead, try with a smile, raising your hand and a small-talk. Talk may be about anything; say weather, long waiting or just anything like that. I am sure it will not only relieve the tension but also create a forging bond between humans.

We understand, only bacterias, viruses and fungi spread infection and they are contagious. But there are many behavioural factors that lead to their own spread, and we do not notice them. Actually, behavioural matters spread faster than we think.

Wabi-Sabi is a Japanese philosophy that celebrates-respects "age" and the imperfections created by ageing (usually in inanimate objects like vases, wooden benches, etc.).

All over the world, the lines of the palm on the hand are thought to be deciding the fate of an individual. There is a study describing the reading of this lines on the palm, known as "Palmistry".

Activeness on Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Blog If you want to be active on all these social media platforms, do so. Do not hesitate. Do express all you want. But... Be prepared for poor or zero response/feedback. The expectation of active communication may lead to frustration... depression.

I am happy to address my readers once again with a very important subject of day-to-day problems: Stress. Stress is a force that strains and deforms. People, events and circumstances take over you, and create stress. It is a physical expression of emotional insult. Emotions like Fear, Guilt, Shame, Anger, Worry, Guilt and Doubt lead to stress.  That practically covers every normal, routine emotion. Then, how can we deal with stress?

Facebook Friends More the number of friends, more the time needed to see their updates and respond. Sometimes, one feels it is a waste of time. So better avoid unknown, half-known and the friends of friends types. What is the ideal maximum number?

When should a doctor retire? Your reply is a must...

ICU (Intensive Care Unit). It is the most alert and up-to-date department in a hospital. Minimum expectations of the patient admitted here are would be: There is a doctor present all the time (round-o-clock) to treat the patient and attend to any emergencies. The present doctor must be having technical skills and know-how in the management of critical care. He/she may be a Physician/Anaesthetist/Critical care treatment specialist. Necessary gadgets like a cardiac monitor, ventilator, pacemaker, cardiac defibrillator and such others are present in working condition. Emergency Medicines, Oxygen, continuous electric power and assisting staff on duty.

Addiction Internet users with Facebook, Whatsapp, Emails and what not, very well know the (usefulness and) uselessness of the continuous connectivity and still can not stop the wastage of time in this activity. Just like the addicts of alcohol, smoking and tobacco chewing...

Addiction to be attended to as an emergenc y Beware if you are seeing in your mobile/computer while being with someone talking to you. You are missing a great real moment for virtual reality and showing a great insult to the people around. This is internet addiction needing urgent attention. Real life relationships and persons around are more important than distant imaginary 'virtual' world.

Just owning a camera does not make you a photographer! You have to learn the fundamentals of photography and technical know-how of cameras, or you will come out with dull and irritating photos. I request my friends to be kind enough to see the image, its light and contents ("the subject") appearing in the frame before using the "CLICK" button.

After Parsis, Anavils ( Anavil Brahmins , અનાવિલ બ્રાહ્મણ ) are the fastest decreasing community. The total population of Anavils around the world does not exceed two lakhs figure and that is also fast reducing day by day. Days are not far, beyond a century or so, when they will have to be seen/found in records, photos, and videos. Why? Because,    - they get married too late,    - many are dying unmarried,    - they wait for the career to be settled before the first (and maybe the only) childbirth. So,    The number of children per couple is either one or zero.    It is certain that nothing can save this community from extinction - vanishing! Let me try to introduce this community. Mr. Klass W VanDer Veen - a Dutch scholar and Professor at Amsterdam University prepared a thesis on "Anavils" and wrote a book "I Give Thee My Daughter ". He concluded, "Anavils are smart, efficient, and clever but heavily disunited....

The sun is hot, so provides heat... It's enlightened, so provides light... Gujarati synonyms for the sun are  Suraj (સૂરજ), Bhaskar (ભાસ્કર), Ravi (રવિ )... Here is a coincidence to quote: The father's name was Bhaskar (Sun) till he started the school And the son's name was Ravi (Sun) till he started the school Their parents changed their names in school as Bharatchandra and Rahul , respectively!

Being a member of the male-dominated culture and having an Anavil inheritance of male-ego, I was wrongly considering myself superior to my wife Dr Bhavana Desai (Devyani). I want to confess, I was wrong.

We visit Saputara (the only hill station in Gujarat) round the year for pleasure trips. Similarly, the devotees of Sai Baba visit Shirdi frequently. For a change and possibly a better experience, I’d like to suggest you visit Shivarimal (a Free Residential School for Visually Impaired (Blind) and Physically Challenged Children), about 20 km from Saputara and 93 km away from Bilimora on Bilimora-Saputara road. Let me tell you my reasons for details. My close friend Piyushbhai Dharaiya formed a charitable trust in the name of his wife Late Jyotsanaben and decided to donate the interest away, every year. I suggested him to visit Shivarimal School for Blind Children and experience the emotions of blind students. We finally visited this place on Sunday, February 16th, 2014 and the result is this introductory article.

Whatever idealistic discussions we do, there are certain emotions that come out without our will – involuntarily. Hatred is one of them. I shall introduce the subject first. Penguin dictionary describes Hate as a deep enduring intense emotion expressing animosity, anger and hostility towards a person, group or object. So, hate is deep and emotional dislike created by ideas, individuals, entities or objects.

Computer users having internet connection are most of the time restricted to Social Media like "Facebook" or just reading E-mails received. Here is a book for them to teach all the details on the subject. Author Raghu Pandey (an Expert on the Internet)  has spent more than 18 months in preparing this book to make us understand the subject in the most simple and easy way. This is a book for all! Raghvendra “Raghu” Pandey I personally know Raghu - the author - for more than a decade now. His way of living life has impressed me in many ways. He is open to experimenting with life on himself and for that earning money is just a byproduct. The intense desire to teach students the subject Internet has made him spend nearly one and half a year to write this book. Let me say: it was this virtue of doing social service for self-satisfaction and desire to express knowledge in the simplest and easy to understand the way that led him to write this book.

Respect : If someone respects you, you like that. If someone respects you, you reciprocate by respecting him/her. (The person concerned may be good or bad.) So, it is worth respecting people around, your respect is certainly going to be maintained.

Destination Wedding : It is a wedding event generally held far away from residences of the would-be couple. Here, the wedding is hosted in a location where guests have to travel long to reach the said wedding place... the DESTINATION. Guests are expected to stay long for the event. Places are usually grand like Palace, Resort, Beach. In India, Goa, Udaipur and some resorts near Mumbai are typically considered. It is one's imagination and choice. Elopement : This is a way of getting married... often unexpectedly... without inviting guests to the wedding. Usually, such weddings are without consent and/or knowledge of the parents. Such weddings, when informed to relatives, are often a surprise.

Praise : We are fond of being a man in the crowd of the herd, having a herd mentality, just copying and doing what others do... be it praising Sachin Tendulkar or anybody else for that matter. We shall never find out our own Hero around us doing great social service worth appreciating and do that.

We often get impressed by someone very easily and carried away to praise, appreciate and raise above oneself. All around us follow and a big crowd of followers is created around a wrong person. By the time we realise our mistake and decide to throw them down, great social damage has already occurred.

Take a pledge this Dasserra: Decide the dates for meeting parents staying away If by chance your parents are staying away from you, fix minimum two to three of these days every year for meeting the parents: Your own birthday Your wedding anniversary New year day morning Holi Raksha-bandhan Makar Sankranti Independence/Republic Day or Any date suitable to you every year

Your Relations/Friends and You ! Every relation has three possible situations: Relation with both Love and Respect Relation, but neither Love nor Respect  Relation with either of the two: Love Or Respect Now whatever one of the above three you find about any given relationship/friendship, the ideal approach is to respond all with love and respect in total. Just try...

Check whether you have any one of the following: You have stopped long walks, though you are not physically unfit. You have started eating more than you were eating for last few years. You have stopped learning new things and studying. You have started counting your assets and bank deposits. You have accepted and started liking your obesity and big abdomen. If any one of above is "YES", you are mentally an OLD-PERSON needing mental care or your end is imminent.

I say, do not remove shoes outside the house! People expecting or demanding you to remove the shoes outside their entrance must be sure of a clean and smooth walkable floor, or they should provide an alternative disposable pair of shoes/slippers to the visitor. What do you say?

Agenda: ‘Lecture on Organ Donation and Body Donation’ – by Dr Prafull Shiroya (Lokdrushti Trust, Surat) ‘Problems of a Blind Person & Her/his Development through Modern Technologies’ – by Dipak Raval (National Association for Blind, Navsari) Felicitation of Organ/Body Donors’ Family Members Contact information: Dr Bharatchandra M Desai Desai Eye Hospital , Feeder Road, B/h Bilimora Bus Depot, Bilimora – 396380 Mobile: +91-9924063045 Phone: +91-2634-284620 Venue Details:  Jalaram Mandir Hall, Somnath Sankul, Bilimora - 396321 View Larger Map NOTE: This is an open event. There are no entry charges. Invite your friends to this event via Facebook .

Present generation young people talk and express their views most of the times in English . But when it comes to expressing personal emotions of love and affection, they sing Hindi songs. Ironical, isn't it?!

Facebook activeness demands offering/sharing your views and getting the responses from your FB friends. If you do not share anything, all you are left with is responding your friends views.

Our recent tour of Kutch landed an interesting coincidence. I (Dr Bharat Desai), my wife Dr Bhavana, and our friends Dr Vijay Desai, his wife Meena Desai, Bepsi-ben and Villoo-ben made three nights and four days plan for Kutch - Bhuj.

Workshop by parents of a son and/or daughter on marriage is a must. Parents should enlist and explain in details the Do's and Dont's for success of married life. Just having good look, good qualification and good earning does not make a marriage successful. These things can only work as a base for agreeing to marry. Inter-personnel manners, care for each-other and maintaining dignity of relations makes the most important issues. Or failure is certain!!!

Creative genius Swami Vivekananda gave guidance to the youth of the world and showed the light to all. Mr A R K Sharma, a Gold medalist in Science and Electronics and Telecom Engineering, wrote this book – Out Of The Box Thinking – telling about how to become a successful person, businessman or monk by Swami Vivekananda's way. Out-of-Box thinking is the way of solving problems by looking at them from an unexpected perspective. It implies that we think differently, unconventionally. It involves discarding the past experience, leaving behind traditional modes of thought and discarding the preconceived notions.

For those who do not learn from history, history teaches them a lesson at a great cost. We - the Indians - neither create history nor read history, and so writing the history is far from even dreaming of. Therefore, more often than not, we became silent spectators and slaves praising the people who made marks in history. History is repeated every often because we never read it and so never learn anything whatsoever. We do not have a record of history beyond 2000 years because we never found it worth writing and keeping a record of. No wonder, books of history give us their viewpoint – biased – written by either Mughals as Babarnama, British or Chinese student Hu-En-Sang. It was not before 1000 years that Indian scholar Acharya Hemchandra wrote Siddh-Hem telling a total history of the said period of Kind Siddhraj Jaisinh rule. Again, a blackout occurred.